A 78-year-old man with a bowed frame stood next to an open casket, steadying himself with a cane. Tears trickled down his face as he reached out to touch the hand of his beloved wife before her casket was closed for the final time.
She had been his best friend for almost 60 years. He was stunned when she had suffered a fatal heart attack. He had always assumed he would die first.
Standing there in the church, he felt lost—literally. He didn’t even know where the men’s room was located. This had been her church, not his.
In truth, he didn’t have a church home. He had never really cared about having one. Until now.
It wasn’t that he didn’t believe in God. He supposed he did, but he had convinced himself that the church was another institution. Though he had admired his wife’s faith, he never really understood it.
When it came to church, she had taken their two children to Sunday school and worship without any support from him. Looking back, he thought how he must have deeply disappointed his wife. For years she had gently encouraged him to become a part of the church, but she never scolded or belittled him.
Now he could barely admit his inner thoughts. He had always believed that his wife’s faith would somehow be enough for the two of them. Standing next to her casket, he realized how superficial that seemed.
He began to wonder about his own relationship with God and let the tough questions form in his mind. Would God be angry that he had not been a faithful member of a church when he was younger? Did it matter enough that he had been a good, law-abiding person? What would it take for him to get right with God? Was it too late?
His story reminded me of a conversation I had not long ago with the chaplain of a funeral home who officiates about 75 funerals each year for older adults who had no recent church affiliation. The surviving family members often request a Christian burial and often turn to the chaplain to officiate.
It made me think, too, of a 96-year-old friend who has given her tithe to her niece’s church since she moved back to Texas from another state where she had lived and worshipped for more than 60 years. With no local church affiliation here, she regularly writes a check to a church she has never attended.
Yet over the 12-year span that she’s lived at the retirement center, a representative of the church has never visited her. She is firm in her faith but sometimes wonders aloud about who will lead her memorial service one day.
I can’t help but think about older adults who have been unchurched by circumstance more than choice. Perhaps even more, I am concerned about those seniors like the older man who have leaned on the faith of another without building their own relationship with Christ.
Not all unchurched older adults are alike. Some are struggling with deep spiritual questions but have no one to walk alongside them in Christian love. Others have lost contact with the church of their active years and are left to navigate the later years alone. Still others are as lost at 80 as they were at 18.
One thing is certain. Older adults are often overlooked as a vital mission field.
Recently I learned about Crosswind (www.crosswind.ms), a missional movement in Corinth, Miss., that builds relationships with elderly residents of a government-subsidized apartment complex.
Crosswind director Bobby Capps says that team members know the residents by name, check on them weekly and often take them to the doctor or to run errands. One recent cold winter day, ministry team members made and delivered homemade soup to the elderly residents, bringing both smiles and tears.
Reaching unchurched seniors will not be done without wholehearted commitment from the church.
Hosting Bible studies, worship services or Sunday school at senior care centers requires a faithful response. Building relationships with elderly residents of an apartment complex takes time and effort. Walking alongside a widower who is searching for answers takes courage and compassion.
I wonder if we will be the church that answers the call.
Ms. Buchanan, a member of FUMC Rockwall, Texas, is the author of Talking with God in Old Age: Meditations and Psalms (Upper Room Books).
Missy Buchanan
