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Commentary
AGING WELL: ‘I’m just here’ Missy Buchanan, Jul 16, 2008
Missy Buchanan
By Missy Buchanan Special Contributor
Almost every day I play a little game with my mother’s 85-year-old neighbor at the senior center where she and my mother live. It is our private amusement, like a secret handshake between pals. Each morning I ask Melba how she’s doing. “I’m still kickin’!” she responds. Then I say, “How high?”
On most days we giggle like school girls. She grabs her walker and raises one leg, trying to mimic a high-kicking Radio City Rockette. But then there are mornings when her foot never leaves the floor. On those days, she responds without a smile. “I’m still kickin’, but just barely.” It almost breaks my heart.
During my daily visits at the center, I’ve noticed a similar refrain often repeated by residents who greet each other. “I’m just here, ” they’ll say. “Just here.”
They are words that capture the raw emotions of many older adults whose lives have stretched out longer than they expected or perhaps even wanted. Most with chronic health issues have come to accept the difficulties as part of the earthly journey.
Some even describe their days in terms of a fluctuating pain thermometer. Two thumbs up, a good day. Two thumbs down, a bad day. One thumb up, one down; a so-so kind of day.
Though medical advancements and wellness programs offer older adults a greater quality of life, for most, growing old is not easy. Friends and family die. Bodies wear out. Spirits wither. A sense of purpose fades away. It’s not surprising then that many stumble into a spiritually dry land, thirsty and bone-tired.
It’s a fact we should not ignore. The population of older adults is rapidly growing, prompting complex issues involving health, lifestyle and faith. But perhaps the greatest challenge of all is what to do when older adults feel they’ve outlived their purpose.
Several years ago, I realized I had been so focused on my mother’s physical needs that I had overlooked her spiritual needs. No longer able to fully participate in the life of the church, she had experienced a disconnect from her church family. Visits from pastoral staff were sporadic. Studying long passages of Scripture had become wearisome.
She was spiritually parched and needed to be reminded of God’s purpose for her life and his unceasing faithfulness. Suddenly my eyes were opened. Everywhere I looked at the senior center, I saw others like her edging toward the spiritual desert.
Understandably, as health issues increase, many older adults begin to focus on their pain and insecurities.They need to be reminded that they can worship God, even from bed or a recliner. They need to be encouraged to pray for and serve others.
On days when my mother’s arthritis pain is especially bad, she still insists on going to the dining room instead of eating in her apartment. Inwardly she knows that being a part of a community is a good antidote for depression and purposelessness.
There in the dining room, I see purpose lived out by a resident who has crocheted a hat for a tablemate returning from rehab. I see spirits lifted by the one with a green thumb who has brought plant cuttings to share with other residents. Laughter bubbles up like a spring in the desert.
As the body of Christ, we should encourage one another. It is an ageless calling. Together we can embrace, not just endure, the journey of long life.
Ms. Buchanan, a member of FUMC Rockwall, Texas, is the author of Living with Purpose in a Worn Out Body. Web site: www.missybuchanan.com.
Missy Buchanan
