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Commentary
In ‘therapy’: Not sharing the same values Eric Van Meter, Jun 4, 2008
Eric Van Meter
By Eric Van Meter Special Contributor
Editor’s note: This is the fifth in an occasional series.See parts one, two,three and fourin our News Archive.
“Let’s be positive,” my imaginary therapist says.
Her office is a nightmare, a clinical version of a séance. She has retained the casual decor she inflicted on us in our second session. Worse, she’s put dimmer switches on the lamps and added scented candles to her desk. I’m afraid she may try to conjure John Lennon’s ghost.
“Imagine how nice it would be for you and the United Methodist Church to resolve your differences,” she continues. “You may say I’m—excuse me, but is something wrong?”
“No,” I say. “I mean, nothing important.”
“It’s the candles, isn’t it?”
“Well, yeah. I don’t mean to be rude, but last time I came, everything was casual, and this time, everything is, well, flammable.”
“Then let me explain,” she says patiently. “The candles are an expression of creative power—of God, if you like. I’ve done more research into young adults since we met last. Casual is out, creative is in.”
“And the candles are creative?”
She folds her hands in her lap. In the glow of the candlelight, I think I see her left eye twitching.
“Perhaps we should just get on with the session,” she says.
It’s safe to say that my imaginary therapist doesn’t understand me. Then again, my church doesn’t really get young adults, either. I’m used to it.
Not that they don’t try. They do a lot of talking, and even a lot of research, but can’t quite seem to figure out what makes us tick, or more importantly, what would make us go to church.
Still, my church presses on. Part of me applauds their tenacity.
Of course, misunderstanding cuts both ways. Most of the people in my generation can’t make heads or tails of the inner workings of the United Methodist Church. Most of us who do grasp it end up rolling our eyes. That’s even more true for the generation after mine.
For a demographic that has a basic mistrust of big institutions embedded in our DNA, General Conference can provoke allergic reactions of the most unpleasant sort. Most of the under-35 delegates I’ve talked to about GC 2008 went in hopes of producing change, not because they particularly enjoy the politics.
A friend of mine brought this to light for me last month. Shane, now in his late twenties, is finishing up his seminary work this spring. As part of his preparation for entering his annual conference, he interviewed with his board of ordained ministry.
Shane is a good student, well-spoken and intellectual, dogged in his pursuit of truth. He answered the prescribed Disciplinary questions with the resolve of Jacob wrestling with God.
When he arrived at the BOM meeting, he was ready to enter into discussion about the deep mysteries of the Almighty. Instead, he was getting grilled over his understanding of the “connectional” structure and reiterating that he would be willing to serve the annual conference, when asked.
To be fair, Shane’s board of ordained ministry may have taken that line of questioning simply because the strength of his written work made theological questioning unnecessary.
Then again, they may have focused on “connectionalism” because that’s what they value. Their questions make a statement about what matters to them: Service to the annual conference, it seems, not an understanding of God, is the true test of worthiness for ordination in the United Methodist Church.
Shane will continue his pursuit of ordination, but I’ve known many who could not overcome their disillusionment with the Process (as it is known to initiates). The road to ordination is an epic journey, one that tests the resolve of even the most dedicated pilgrim. To get to the end and find not fulfillment or affirmation, but instead an institution that insists on perpetuating itself, is a blow from which some never recover.
It’s a disconnect that’s brought to the fore this time of year. While young adults search for a faithful way to answer God’s call throughout a Process that’s ill-suited for discernment, General Conference commissions ‘study on ministry’ committees, whose members spend their time haggling over who can or cannot preside at Communion.
In truth, it’s hard for young adults and those entrenched in United Methodism to find common ground on a lot of things.
My church desperately wants me to adapt to the things she deems important. Some days, I think I can pull it off.
In the end, though, I know I can’t function according to someone else’s values for long. Just because something works doesn’t make it optimal.
“So it’s not just the candles, then?” my imaginary therapist asks.
“No. I think candles are kind of nice, truthfully. Just not the way you’re using them.”
“Oh? And how is that?”
“You want to package what you value in a way that I can buy into it. You’re trying to co-opt my interests to suit your own ends, so that I’ll conform to what the church wants from me simply because she’s the church.”
“Exactly what is it that you value that you think your church does not?” she asks.
“Community,” I say. “Not some ‘connectional’ web, in which all relationships follow a prescribed course. I want to be part of a community that knows and trusts one another, in which creative energy arises from relationship with God and one another, instead of waiting for a resolution that officially sanctions creativity.”
She pulls off her glasses and rubs her eyes. “I’m beginning to see why your church finds you so frustrating.”
“I know,” I say.
And I mean it. I realize how much easier it would be if I gave up trying to understand, much less hoping to be understood. My church and I would each have less conflict if I simply walked away.
The trouble is, I still love the UMC far too much to walk out on her. And to her credit, she doesn’t seem to have given up on me, either. We’re still trying to love each other, to learn to trust the Spirit’s creative work in the midst of all the uncertainty.
Maybe I should light a candle as a reminder. After all, the fires of hope still burn.
The Rev. Van Meter is campus minister for the Wesley Foundation at Arkansas State University in Jonesboro, Ark.
Eric Van Meter
