UMR Communications is offering the latest headlines in the RSS format.
Commentary
AGING WELL: Caregivers need some TLC, too Missy Buchanan, Apr 8, 2008
Missy Buchanan
By Missy Buchanan Special Contributor
As the flight attendant mimed the pre-flight safety instructions, my mind wandered to my own checklist.
Bills paid. Check. Medications. Check. Emergency numbers and itinerary. Check, check. Gazing out the window of the airplane, I felt myself becoming anxious. Had I forgotten anything that would make life go more smoothly during the next 10 days?
The list wasn’t for me, though. It was for my elderly mother. I was on my way to a tropical island, and she was staying behind at her senior residence.
While the plane taxied down the runway, questions swirled through my mind. Did I remember to tell the other caregivers to mix her powdered medication in the green glass, not the clear one? Will they know to put the remote control back on the hall table?
Glasses and remotes seem trivial, but these details were essential to my mother’s sense of security. As the plane took off, I began to wonder if time away was really worth the effort.
It is.
Let’s not pretend. Caregiving is both draining and rewarding. Since I became a part-time caregiver for my mother a few years ago, my own calendar has revolved around her daily routine.
Spontaneous or all-day getaways are rare. Long-awaited vacations require advance planning and coordination with out-of-town family members and additional caretakers.
Then there’s the tinge of guilt I feel whenever I do leave town, knowing how even subtle changes unsettle my mother’s fragile state of mind. She depends on me to manage the daily details of her life.
Clearly, being a caregiver has a far-reaching impact on one’s own family, finances, health and time. I admit I am one of the fortunate ones. I have a supportive husband, a flexible career and the full cooperation of my siblings. Even so, I know what it is to walk in a caregiver’s shoes.
Recently I explored an online message board on the topic of family care giving. The comments confirmed that it’s a hot topic in many homes. Family members are desperate for support and answers to their caregiving questions.
Many are trying to balance careers and family responsibilities with the needs of their elderly loved ones. Some have opened the doors of their own homes to care for their aging parents around the clock. Others are struggling with decisions about relocating their loved ones to be nearer to family. The online postings ran the gamut of raw emotion: frustration, humility, obligation, fear, guilt and love.
It is important to remember that every caregiving situation is unique. There’s no one-size-fits-all solution. But whatever the situation, I believe God can use the season to tender hearts and mold lives.
I recently asked a friend to share her thoughts about caregiving. She had lovingly cared for her father in her home for several years. With four generations under one roof, she had navigated choppy waters with a steady hand and godly heart.
Laugh at every opportunity, she said, noting that journaling is also a helpful release for emotions that naturally well up. Speak the truth in love. Find a good support group. Use the time with your loved one to ask questions about your family history. Listen more. Walk closely with God. And remember to care for your own health and well-being.
There is much wisdom in her words.
Relaxing under a palm tree with a stretch of blue water at my feet, I savored the time away with my husband. My mother was never far from my thoughts, but on that day I built a sandcastle and read a good book. And when I returned, my mother delighted in the shell necklace memento and tales of the rainforest.
As I sat on the edge of her bed, I was reminded that life is a balance of giving and receiving.
Ms. Buchanan, a member of FUMC Rockwall, Texas, is the author of Living with Purpose in a Worn Out Body: Spiritual Encouragement for Older Adults (Upper Room Books). Discussion questions
Missy Buchanan
