Not so long ago she would have been in the kitchen baking an apple pie while her husband of 40-something years kept an anxious eye on the clock. It was time for the family to arrive for their traditional holiday gathering.
Back then they were active grandparents with graying hair and only a hint of arthritic knees. But unlike a Norman Rockwell scene, time did not stand still. It marched on, taking its toll on their bodies and spirits. Today they are part of a fast-growing segment of the American population—the frail elderly.
It’s not surprising then that Christmas brings a mixed bag of joy and stress for our oldest loved ones. Though most look forward to the excitement of holiday celebrations, many worry about how they will deal with the pressures of family get-togethers, gift-buying and change of routine.
Many seniors become depressed during the holidays, feeling the loss of loved ones. Some are separated from family by miles, others by emotional distance. Even the extended family feels the ripple effect, struggling with how best to balance the needs of older loved ones with their own holiday activities, school and work schedules.
Typically, older adults want to be included in family festivities even though they fret about inconveniencing others. They worry about walkers and navigating unfamiliar steps. Some are afraid of embarrassing themselves with trembling hands or food dropped in laps. Almost all are concerned about being away from their home turf, where bathrooms and medications are easily accessible.
Regrettably, family members often underestimate the level of their loved one’s anxiety. One older woman summed up a common concern: “I love Christmas, and I love my family, but they don’t understand what it’s like to be old. It’s hard for me to get up and down. The noise makes me nervous! When everyone starts talking and the kids are squealing, it’s just a big, loud blur!”
It seems impossible to be sensitive to an older adult’s needs without squelching the spontaneous conversation and laughter of the rest of the family.
How, then, can families plan celebrations that lovingly accommodate all generations? Here are some ideas.
Begin the festivities with a brief worship service and some caroling. Keep the focus on the birth of Christ. Retell the Nativity story, allowing children to bring forth the characters from a crèche. Then while everyone is still gathered around, invite older adults to share stories of what Christmas was like when they were young. These are the moments that bond generations together.
Dinner offers another opportunity for youngsters to be attentive to elderly family members. Older children can fill loved ones’ plates and beverage glasses. Younger ones can play Santa’s elves and deliver gifts to a great-grandmother’s lap.
Families should also be mindful of how even a slight change in routine can trigger anxiety in older adults. If your loved one is programmed for an early bedtime, consider shifting the celebration from evening to early afternoon.
Or shorten the length of time she stays for the occasion. One person can graciously bow out of the remaining festivities to drive the older one home.
And if a large gathering is just too overwhelming, schedule one-on-one or small-group visits at your loved one’s residence on another day.
Don’t forget that many older adults do not have the loving support of family. This year, adopt an elderly person into your family. Find ways to bring a cup of Christmas cheer to one who needs it most. Unpack her handmade ornaments and ask about each one.
Offer to address her Christmas cards. Decorate a tree outside her bedroom window. Surprise her with a special holiday concert-for-one.
Step into the Christmas story. Peer into the manger where the love of Christ casts a heavenly glow on faces, old and young. There in the manger, you will find the tie that binds.
Ms. Buchanan, a member of FUMC Rockwall, Texas, is the author of Living With Purpose in a Worn Out Body: Spiritual Encouragement for Older Adults (Upper Room Books), due out in 2008.
© 2007 DESIGN PICS
How, then, can families plan celebrations that lovingly accommodate all generations? Here are some ideas. 
Ms. Buchanan, a member of FUMC Rockwall, Texas, is the author of Living With Purpose in a Worn Out Body: Spiritual Encouragement for Older Adults (Upper Room Books), due out in 2008. 
