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Commentary
Aging well: Do our elderly feel support? Missy Buchanan, Aug 9, 2007
Missy Buchanan
By Missy Buchanan Special Contributor
Think instant photo. The kind that develops from film to image in a matter of seconds.
Now think of the process in reverse. The picture of a familiar elderly woman with soft gray curls and a pink ruffled blouse gradually morphs into a shapeless blur of color before fading to black.
Soon you can barely remember her gentle smile or her first name.
For decades she was visible at worship, regularly sitting in the same pew next to her husband and longtime friends. She raised her children in this church, taught Sunday school and served homemade pie at church dinners.
But time increasingly took its toll on her ability to participate in church life.
At age 80, she was widowed and moved to a senior residence a few miles away. She no longer drove at night or in bad weather, and later relinquished the keys to the car. In less than two years, her just-like-clockwork attendance became sporadic, then nonexistent, except for an occasional funeral.
And all the while, the church barely noticed except to send a monthly newsletter and a few holiday cards. At a church with good intentions, she had become just a name on a weekly prayer list.
Promised visits went unfulfilled. It had been more than a year since she'd been served Communion.
Over time, she began to feel a disconnect with the church she'd poured her life into for so long. She was not one to grumble, though, and kept the disappointment quietly tucked inside her wounded heart.
The woman in the photo is not alone. She is one of countless, frail elderly suffering from the out-of-sight, out-of-mind phenomenon that is so prevalent in our churches.
It's a fact. People are living longer. The flock is graying, and the church is faced with the challenge of ministering to a growing population of older adults who experience a natural progression from living at home to moving to a senior residence and later to a nursing home or hospital.
Though many congregations have responded to the aging population with vibrant ministries for active seniors, homebound elderly are often left to wonder if they still matter to the community of faith.
In some churches, only a handful of people still recognize the face with the soft gray curls, and fewer still take the time to nurture the relationship.
It is a situation complicated by the very nature of a church in which pastors move, lay leaders change, and friends and family relocate or die.
In all the busyness and transition, the frail elderly have become especially vulnerable to being victims of good intentions. Nursing home ministries limp along with too little commitment from laity and staff. Adopt-a-Senior programs frequently fizzle after initial fanfare. Even traditional Christmas gift bags for shut-ins leave the elderly wondering if anyone will remember them in April or August.
So what's the church to do?
First, let's make an honest appraisal of current ministries we have for our oldest old. Do the frail elderly feel the love and support of a community of faith even though they are unable to physically participate in the life of the church? Has the church been deliberate and consistent in providing face-to-face time with every homebound member at least once a month?
The answer to both questions is likely to be no.
It's a matter that is both simple and hard. Good intentions are not enough. They must be matched with consistent efforts in ministry as best demonstrated through relationship.
While we focus on becoming a dynamic, culturally relevant church, let us not forget our frail elders who spend long, lonely afternoons wondering if they still have purpose.
The woman in the pink ruffled blouse may be your mother, your neighbor, your friend.
And if you live long enough, it will be you.
Ms. Buchanan is the author of Living with Purpose in a Worn Out Body: Spiritual Encouragement for Older Adults (Upper Room Books) due out in 2008. She is a member of FUMC in Rockwall, Texas.
Missy Buchanan
Over time, she began to feel a disconnect with the church she'd poured her life into for so long. She was not one to grumble, though, and kept the disappointment quietly tucked inside her wounded heart. 
