COMMENTARY: Dad, the 'Bumbling Idiot' Mary Jacobs, Jun 12, 2007
Mary Jacobs
By Mary Jacobs Associate Editor
"Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you." -- Exodus 20:12
On Father's Day, most Methodist churches will somehow honor dads, with sermons or special prayers in worship and plenty of dad-specific crafts, like colorful paper neckties, generated in Sunday school.
Father's Day observances are great traditions. But maybe it's also a time to consider how we, as a culture, really don't honor dads at all. I'm talking about a well-worn stereotype in advertising and television: Dad, the Bumbling Idiot.
If you watch TV, you know what I mean. Dads are frequently portrayed with what one men's advocacy organization calls "the 3Ds: dumb, dangerous and disaffected."
Gone are the days of real-life-like dads like Cliff Huxtable (The Cosby Show), Charles Ingalls (Little House on the Prairie) and Howard Cunningham (Happy Days). In recent years, dads on TV are more likely to turn up as a mob boss (Tony Soprano) or a drug-addled rock star (Ozzy Osbourne).
And the town of Springfield, once the fictional setting of Father Knows Best, is now the fictional hometown of the Father Who Knows Nothing, Homer Simpson.
A recent ad campaign for Fidelity featured the following silly dads: one who gloats after beating his young daughter at Ping-Pong; one who dopily congratulates himself for skillfully parking in an empty lot; one who inappropriately arrives at a family pool party in tight Speedo swim trunks; and one who falls down the stairs. The only woman featured in the same campaign? An accomplished CEO, mother and community leader who clearly deserves our admiration.
A February 2007 survey by FathersAndHusbands.org showed that men in prime-time television are viewed far more often than women as sources of marital discontent, as inadequate parents or as "corrupt" and "stupid." Respondents said wives are portrayed more often than husbands as "justifiably dissatisfied with" their spouses. Women were much more likely to be shown as intelligent, good-looking and inspiring. Not a single respondent indicated that men are more often depicted as "good parents" or as "honest."
Even children's books have used these overworked stereotypes. My children enjoyed a series that would occasionally lapse into the same weary plot: Papa Bear gets a stupid idea in his head and runs with it. Chaos ensues. Papa finally learns his lesson.
We've become more sensitized to the way women have been portrayed in the media in recent years, which is a good thing. But maybe it's time to think about how men are so often portrayed as hapless and helpless -- and why.
In a recent book, Spreading Misandry: The Teaching of Contempt for Men in Popular Culture, Paul Nathanson and Katherine Young highlight "profoundly disturbing stereotypes" about men that have become so prevalent in popular culture -- from sitcoms to comic strips -- since the 1990s.
Mr. Nathanson says that clichés about fathers are effective because our culture has no real sense of the distinctive role of fathers. Men are no longer necessarily the family providers. Popular wisdom says that single women are as well off, if not better off, without men in their lives. And thanks to medical advances, a father doesn't necessarily even have to be around for conception.
If you believe popular culture, says Mr. Nathanson, "the best that men can do is help with chores and contribute money."
The only problem with that idea is that it's not true. Study after study confirms that children are better off when a father is actively involved in their upbringing.
"It's politically incorrect to even suggest that there's something about fatherhood that women cannot reproduce," says Mr. Nathanson. "And yet we know that communities in which fathers are largely absent have all sorts of problems."
Maybe there's a reason why the passage in Exodus doesn't say, "Honor your parents." Instead, it says "Honor your father and your mother," as if each bestows a distinctive and precious gift in one's upbringing. Each needs to be honored. As one ad campaign put it: "It takes a man to be a dad."
In contrast to the Fidelity ad campaign, Volvo has a lovely ad. The dad patiently straps his small daughter into her car seat as she chats away. He waits, holding the door open, as she continues to chatter on, then strolls quickly to the driver's seat, making it clear he doesn't want to miss anything she has to say. By this point, the little girl's endless chatter is beyond adult comprehension, but Dad hangs in there with head nods and encouraging words to show his interest.
The Fidelity ads just made my eyes roll. The Volvo ad made me smile with recognition; I saw many of the dads I have known: patient, careful, attentive and kind.
Next year, wouldn't be nice to honor Dad with a few more of those images?
Mary Jacobs
Gone are the days of real-life-like dads like Cliff Huxtable (The Cosby Show), Charles Ingalls (Little House on the Prairie) and Howard Cunningham (Happy Days). In recent years, dads on TV are more likely to turn up as a mob boss (Tony Soprano) or a drug-addled rock star (Ozzy Osbourne). 
The only problem with that idea is that it's not true. Study after study confirms that children are better off when a father is actively involved in their upbringing. 
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